The process of divorce makes seen the most sane people do, or consider doing, crazy things. No wonder the divorce process is also called “Crazy time”. The following Do’s and Don’ts, while appearing common sense, or even comical, come from actual experiences:
Don’t put your spouse’s clothes, etc. in trash bags and then “accidentally” leave them curbside for your spouse to pick up on the same morning that your trash is picked up.
Don’t cancel your spouse’s credit cards when he/she is in the middle of a business lunch.
Don’t bring your “new friend” into the marital home to meet the children, or have a beer, or help paint.
Don’t pull money out of accounts and give it to a friend to “hold”.
Don’t listen to the legal advice of your neighbors, your sister’s husband or your mother’s bridge group.
Don’t listen tho the advice of your soon to be ex-spouse.
Don’t drink and drive.
Don’t drink to excess.
Don’t do drugs.
Don’t quit your job and become the towns serial bank robber.
Don’t drive the kids without seatbelts on or child seats as required by law.
Don’t ignore your child when he/she says, “it hurts”. Possibly it is a broken bone. Have it checked out.
Don’t push your spouse over a pile of boxes.
Don’t hit your children.
Don’t put moms/dads picture on a dart board or punching bag for the kids.
DOn’t make your child get out of the car in a dangerous neighborhood and then drive away as a punishment.
Don’t yell at your lawyer, he or she may be your only friend.
Don’t yell at your lawyer’s staff, they are your only other friends.
Don’t ignore your child’s suicide threats.
Don’t forget o call the police or ambulance if you spouse calls you while he or she is in the process of committing suicide.
Don’t lie to your lawyer, or he/she won’t be able to protect you.
Don’t expect quick justice.
Don’t get married again unless you have a prenuptial agreement.
Don’t take your child on a car repossession trip.
Don’t say bad things to the children about your spouse.
Don’t hide the phone so your kids can’t call their other parent.
Don’t violate a restraining order by assuming a false name and traveling out of state with the children.
Don’t violate a restraining order period.
Don’t have your new “friend” beat up your spouse.
Don’t date, but if you ignore this, don’t date someone who smokes marijuana for his/her migraine headaches or who has a criminal background.
Don’t have internet affairs.
Don’t give strange people the names and addresses of your children, with photos, when on the internet.
Don‘t try to abduct your child at school as a method of obtaining custody.
Don’t ask your attorney to assist in #33 above.
Don’t allow your child to run after your other child with meat cleaver.
Don’t threaten your spouse with bodily harm, such as death or cutting their legs off.
Don’t live with your ex-spouse and ask for child support.
Don’t forget to tell your attorney if you and your spouse have reconciled.
Don’t forget to visit your kids if you have companionship.
Don’t take off with the kids moments before your ex-spouse will show up for his/her companionship.
Don’t forget to feed your children nutritious meals, pizza daily does not qualify.
Don’t forget to tell your attorney if you are gay.
Don’t go out to meet your gay friends at 11:00PM, leaving your children home alone, and then later state you needed a Klondike ice cream bar.
Don’t accept a telephone call from your spouse’s attorney, when your attorney is out of town.
Don’t forget to tell your attorney that you are pregnant.
Don’t forget to tell your attorney that your girlfriend is pregnant.
Don’t forget to tell your attorney that you are pregnant and it is not your spouse’s child.
Don’t hit on your attorney, they will not date you after your divorce is final. Period.
Don’t go to the Park Of Roses, and have sex under a bush with your “friend”.
Don’t have sex with your new “friend” in the living room with the curtains open and if you violate this rule, look for the videographer in the window.
When court ordered to take a psychological test, don’t leave the test area and sneak a call to your attorney to ask how you should answer certain questions.
Don’t quit your six figure job and start flipping burgers to avoid child support-spousal support.
Don’t cancel the children’s health insurance policies.
Don’t wear your wife’s earrings as a tie clip just to annoy her.
Don’t have sex with your wife’s niece.
Don’t file bankruptcy thinking your can escape child or spousal support.
Don’t inflict corporal punishment on your child.
Don’t call your child ignorant” or “retarded” and then call your attorney and ask if this is going to look bad on your parental skills.