By Dave Kuta, Vineyard Columbus
Divorce. It sucks.
Wish I had a better word for it than “sucks”. Unpleasant? Doesn’t really capture the essence for me. Heartbreaking? Yes, but that’s only a part of the story in many cases. Hurtful? Lousy? Unacceptable? Sad? Awful? Dreadful? Atrocious? (thank you thesaurus.com) Nope…none of those really do it for me. Divorce sucks.
There are elements of heartbreak, shame, uncertainty, fear of the future, questioning, anger, depression, and a bunch of other things all rolled into one. I know. I have been divorced, and I went through all of those.
I also did some things to try to cope with the divorce…mostly really stupid things. I drank a lot to forget my pain. I isolated myself because I just didn’t want to see people and try to put on a happy face in front of them. I told almost no one, and I lived in denial for several months, thinking maybe she would come back and it would all be ok.
How I wish I had known about DivorceCare!
DivorceCare is a faith-based, 13 week support group for people in any stage of divorce, whether separated, in the middle of the process, or even those that have been divorced for a while but are still struggling with the effects of it. Each week covers a different topic, like loneliness, anger, financial survival, how to care for your kids during a divorce, forgiveness, and growing closer to God. There is a short video that is played each week (about 35 minutes) where experts share their thoughts on the subject. The group spends the rest of the time discussing questions based on the video. We often end with time for prayer. Even though it is a faith-based group, you do not have to be a Christian to join a DivorceCare group. Most of the principles will apply to anyone going through a divorce.
I have led several DivorceCare groups now, and the response from the participants has been very positive. So much healing can take place just being around other people who are going through what you are. I’ve watched people in a DivorceCare group encourage each other, offer practical wisdom, pray for each other, empathize with each other, and even cry with each other. So often we feel alone in our journey, but I can assure you that you are NOT alone! Join a DivorceCare group, and experience the healing for yourself!
My church (Vineyard Columbus) offers DivorceCare groups typically at least twice a year, but there are several other churches in Columbus that offer DivorceCare groups as well. To find groups close to home at a time that is convenient for you, please check out the website; DivorceCare.org; and you can locate a group that is right for you.
If I had found a DivorceCare group after my divorce, I think I would have avoided most of the dumb mistakes I made. PLEASE don’t do the stupid things I did, and if you’re doing them now; STOP! Check out DivorceCare for yourself. I’m genuinely sorry for all that you are going through right now, but I’m glad that groups like DivorceCare have people willing to walk alongside you during the journey.